What do you want to be when you grow up? It's a question we often ask small children. I don't really know why we do it- if you are anything like me you still don't know the answer to that question, or when indeed the 'growing up' will happen.
When Bobby was 3 she wanted to be Prime Minister. She could see how much I struggled with parking, especially in multi storey car parks, so decided that, to make me happy, when she grew up she would be in charge of the country and flatten all 'squiggly wiggly' car parks.
From the ages of 5-12, after a brief spell of wanting to be a Jedi, she wanted to be a spy for the government. We endured 7 years of having traps set as we entered doorways, having listening devises set up through walls and having to decipher codes, before she eventually went off the idea.
She then went through a brief spell of wanting to be a doctor, although not liking blood, hospitals or medicine was a huge drawback.
Peter has always wanted to be an actor, however after his triumph as 'Understudy Lord 4' he has had a rethink as he doesn't think he could cope with the paparazzi. (Who knew 'Understudy Lord 4' would turn out to be such a popular character portrayal?) He has since wanted to be an animator as he can indulge his creativity but still retain a degree of anonymity. His animated series 'The Annoying Slug' gives a weird and wonderful glimpse into the autistic mind, particularly the episode where the Annoying Slug escapes from the Daleks in a model of a VW Camper Van.
The best answer to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" came from one of my pupils, who answered,
"When I grow up I want to be Santa because I am jolly, I have a very loud 'Ho Ho Ho' and I have a belly that wobbles like a bowlful of jelly."
Me: "It's very seasonal work though. What are you going to do for the rest of the year?"
Child: "Well, there are the reindeer to feed, the elves to look after, toys to make..."
Me: "Yes but that still won't take you a whole year.
Child (thinks): "I'll be Santa for the winter, autumn and spring. In the summer I'll work at Butlins as a wrestler."
Can you imagine the excitement of kids on Christmas Eve when the catch sight of Santa, and then the slight, doubtful pause before they ask, "Wait a minute... Didn't I see you at Butlins?"
Today: Lead by example
My friend asked her daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her daughter replied,
"When I grow up I want to be a mummy so I can shout at my kids and go to Tescos."
My friend was mortified. "Is that all I do Amy?"
Amy, after a 'thinking pause', "Um..Pretty much."
Mama Jax
Showing posts with label Tesco. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tesco. Show all posts
Friday, 2 December 2011
Friday, 18 November 2011
How to talk to kids about sex; A guide for teachers
There is only one thing more cringe-worthy than having to talk to your kids about sex, and that is having to talk to other people's kids about sex. It is a sad fact that teens believe so many myths about sex, STDs, pregnancy and birth that the government should be seriously concerned that the human race could die out.
Teachers now have to talk about sex to children as young as 4, and deal with irate parents who, quite rightly, think this is a tad too young. Here's a news flash for those parents: the teachers agree with you.
There is a set curriculum for teaching kids about sex, but most teachers do the following:
Reception: "Stand up if you are a boy. Stand up if you are a girl. Great, now let's do maths,"
and develop it on from there.
There is some controversy by the time kids reach years 1 and 2 as they learn the scientific names for the less talked about parts of their bodies. Among the penises (penii?) and vaginas is the humble clitoris, which has causes ruffled feathers among the teaching profession who think this is a body part too far. My argument though is that we are training up a future generation who will be so rubbish at dirty talk ("Sexual intercourse my vagina...oooh yeah baby!") that if we don't teach at least the boys about the clitoris, we as a species will definitely die out. And let's face it girls, how many of you wish your partners had been taught where the clitoris is at school? Thought so...
Actually, the 'naming' lesson can cause a few giggles as the teacher has to ask, before teaching the correct names, what names kids have been taught by parents. We usually get things like front bottom, willy, lady garden, flower, pee-pee and other harmless terms. One of my colleagues, however, was totally floored when one 6 year old said daddy called his 'male parts' Verne and the Twins. How she got through the next parents' evening without blushing I'll never know.
The trouble with sex education really starts when kids hit about 14 and they know it all. They take great delight in trying to embarrass the poor teacher by asking personal questions. It takes a brave teacher to face a class of year 9 pupils. Whoever does this deserves a medal and a knighthood from the Queen, at the very least.
By the time kids reach 16, they usually do know it all, or at least more than the teacher. It is at this point that the cunning teacher, whilst giving the impression of teaching, will really be picking up tips to inject some passion into his/her own flailing love life. After all the embarrassment of years 1-10, the humiliating realisation that one's sex life is lame will just about finish one off. Never mind, I hear Tesco are hiring...
Today: The nursery rhymes my dad sent me to school with
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown...and she didn't get that for fetching water.
Little boy blue come blow your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's under the haystack, 'doing' Bo Peep.
Mama Jax
Teachers now have to talk about sex to children as young as 4, and deal with irate parents who, quite rightly, think this is a tad too young. Here's a news flash for those parents: the teachers agree with you.
There is a set curriculum for teaching kids about sex, but most teachers do the following:
Reception: "Stand up if you are a boy. Stand up if you are a girl. Great, now let's do maths,"
and develop it on from there.
There is some controversy by the time kids reach years 1 and 2 as they learn the scientific names for the less talked about parts of their bodies. Among the penises (penii?) and vaginas is the humble clitoris, which has causes ruffled feathers among the teaching profession who think this is a body part too far. My argument though is that we are training up a future generation who will be so rubbish at dirty talk ("Sexual intercourse my vagina...oooh yeah baby!") that if we don't teach at least the boys about the clitoris, we as a species will definitely die out. And let's face it girls, how many of you wish your partners had been taught where the clitoris is at school? Thought so...
Actually, the 'naming' lesson can cause a few giggles as the teacher has to ask, before teaching the correct names, what names kids have been taught by parents. We usually get things like front bottom, willy, lady garden, flower, pee-pee and other harmless terms. One of my colleagues, however, was totally floored when one 6 year old said daddy called his 'male parts' Verne and the Twins. How she got through the next parents' evening without blushing I'll never know.
The trouble with sex education really starts when kids hit about 14 and they know it all. They take great delight in trying to embarrass the poor teacher by asking personal questions. It takes a brave teacher to face a class of year 9 pupils. Whoever does this deserves a medal and a knighthood from the Queen, at the very least.
By the time kids reach 16, they usually do know it all, or at least more than the teacher. It is at this point that the cunning teacher, whilst giving the impression of teaching, will really be picking up tips to inject some passion into his/her own flailing love life. After all the embarrassment of years 1-10, the humiliating realisation that one's sex life is lame will just about finish one off. Never mind, I hear Tesco are hiring...
Today: The nursery rhymes my dad sent me to school with
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown...and she didn't get that for fetching water.
Little boy blue come blow your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's under the haystack, 'doing' Bo Peep.
Mama Jax
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