How to tell the difference between boys and girls

As every new mum knows, the moment they place that little bundle of joy in your arms you fall instantly in love. If you are a mum in an advert, that is. Sometimes it happens instantaneously, but more often than not it takes a while. The 'whoop' new parents give when the midwife says, "It's a boy/girl!" has nothing to do with being pleased to have a boy/girl, but is rather sheer relief that the whole hideous process is over. The midwife would get the same 'whoop' were he/she to announce, "It's a rabbit."

When Bobby was born, she was bright red, weighed nearly 9lb and had a shock of thick black hair, punked up like Rod Stewart. I remember looking at this angry tomato-baby, then looking at the 6lb peaches-and-cream baby in the next cot and thinking, "Hmm...I want that one."

I soon got into the swing of motherhood; however being an ardent feminist I ran into the dilemma of how to dress my girl. I alternated between pretty dresses and practical play clothes (pink and punk!) and gave her a variety of toys so as not to force her onto a particular path. It is probably partly my fault that she made people call her Tom until she was 5 and went to church every week dressed as Luke Skywalker.

It goes against all my principles, but having had 3 children, I would recommend sticking with the traditional pink or blue purely because it is very irritating to be asked all the time, "Boy or girl?" I have a friend who had a little girl, Sarah, and to avoid this question dressed her head to toe in pink, had a pink buggy, pink accessories and I'm sure, if she could, would have had a neon sign flashing across the baby's head saying, "I'm a girl!!" She was stopped by a lady in the supermarket once when Sarah was a few weeks old:
Lady: Ah what a beautiful little boy.
Friend (Looking at all the pink): It's a girl.
Lady: What's his name?
Friend: It's a girl. Her name is Sarah.
(Pause)
Lady: That's a funny name for a boy.

There's no hope for some people...

Today: Advice on the subject by Phyllis
Phyllis came home from school with a picture of a dragon. Her homework was to use adjectives to describe the picture. I prompted her to start by asking if it was a boy dragon or a girl dragon.
"Oh I don't know," she replied, peering at the picture,"Let me see if it has lipstick on."

So now you know how to tell the difference between boys and girls- it's all in the pout!

Mama Jax